Let's Talk About Mens' Dating Profiles

I realize not everyone has had the PRIVILEGE AND JOY of being on and off dating apps for years like some of us… but it still baffles me to see some of the pictures and responses in mens’ profiles. You could be a really normal person but you may have totally screwed yourself by some of your photos and responses. I realize women tend to take a lot more photos than men, but that is no excuse for >5 year old pictures wearing jerseys at frat parties in college to be the basis of your profile. It is difficult to find the balance of attractive, has a sense of humor, has friends, is in good shape, etc. — but like, no never mind, it’s actually not that hard.

Below are a few of my personal pet peeves that I see in dating profiles:

  1. Group shots - Cool cool cool so you have friends. Again, I understand most men probably don’t have a ton of solo shots to choose from, but that doesn’t mean pick photos with groups of 10 boys who all look the same and I have to work to figure out who you are. Ever heard of cropping? People, we are literally using our fingers to swipe for love - we are already doing the absolute least that we can, don’t make us do any more work. If it’s not obvious who you are in photos, it’s a next.

  2. Appealing to the bros - In general, I think a lot of guys make their profiles based on what other guys would find cool. “I know I’ll put a pic of me in my creepy mustache from Halloween, with a hot girl, or shotgunning a beer.” Note, if you think “dude that’s awesome,” a girl may not have the same reaction. If you answer the “dream date” question with “you” or even mention “The Office” in your profile I will chuck my phone at the wall. Next.

  3. Gym pics - Cool you work out. I may have an “ooh nice arms” thought, but the arrogance is a turnoff in my book. Have someone take a pic of you being active in a natural way or hiking that shows off those arms and I’m all on board.

  4. Selfies - In general, I am not a huge fan of selfies in dating profiles. Unless it’s a funny or scenic picture, most of the selfies in mens’ profiles that I’ve seen are at the gym, in a car, or in bed - weirdos. I think women can get away with the more serious “I’m cute/hot” selfies, but coming from a dude this can again look self-obsessed and thus be a turnoff.

  5. Fishing/hunting - Are you trying to show me that you can provide for me in the wild? I’m not anti-fishing/hunting necessarily, but yeah, a dead animal isn’t going to make me want to date you. You + dead fish = me looking for other alive fish in the sea. Get it?

Did I miss any other good ones? Men, any things you can’t stand that the ladies do? Message me with any thoughts. Give me your money and I’ll review/edit your dating profiles.

Lauren Nopar